alrighty then.
I want to write this post. I love writing, but I procrastinate like a mother f*cker. My mind is constantly going, constantly worrying. So sometimes when I get a chance to sit down and just do my own thing, its easier to zone out and just scroll social media… but that’s not helpful and I never feel better in the end. I just feel like I wasted time. That’s probably the procrastinating/worrier in me though right?
The past few days have been super trying. I’m not a very “go with the flow” kind of person. I’ve been a worry wort my whole life. I’m an enneagram 6 if you know anything about enneagrams. If I have obligations, they’ll get done- no matter what. I like my days planned out, I work backwards in my head and everything is going to get done and then I’ll be happy. I like a challenge, I love working hard. But what happens when there’s a wrench thrown in those perfectly curated plans? I’ll tell you what happens, I spiral. I get angry. I shut down. I don’t engage with anyone and I just get whatever job needs to be done, done. It’s not every wrench that sends me though, it’s the wrench of feeling like you were let down. Like someone else isn’t holding up their end of the bargain. That fucking sends meeee. I’m always telling my husband that I should be more sympathetic, but in the spirit of keeping it real, it’s really hard for me to feel empathy when you don’t do what you say you’ll do. No one owes me an excuse or reason, it’s their life and I shouldn’t give a shit, but it irks me because I take it personally and I’d never do the same. But that’s on me, I need to learn to get over that.
When this happens for multiple days in a row, I really start to shut down. I just can’t handle that other people don’t put as much effort as others sometimes. It’s not even that there’s a lack of effort that bothers me. I tend to stack my plate completely full – like I give 110% into whatever I do. But I can’t take on others shit. My plate is already full. I’m also a serial people pleaser. Letting someone down, is never an option. This past year, I’ve tried to learn to let this go… maybe someday I’ll get there.
Idk where I’m going with this…just another rant online. thanks for coming to my TedTalk.
If you have any ideas on how to let shit go… hit me up. I can clearly use some advice. Lol
<3gc